June 22, 2025
Nicole Koski
Love Loss
Everyone waits with bated breath hoping for
A glimpse
A chance
A lifetime
Of that four-letter word.
That four-letter word so magical you spend your life dreaming about what yours will look like
The butterflies
Pinky promises
Inside jokes
And that feeling of falling.
That four-letter word that is so strong it reshapes and rebuilds every part of you.
It started with a look
Nothing more than a thought
But took bravery to chase it
To fight for.
That four-letter word so big that you’re too scared to say it.
You dance around it
Allude to it
Replace it with hearts
And knowing looks.
That four-letter word so important, that when you say,
“I love you”
You feel it.
“I love you, too,”
You fly.
That four-letter word so natural that it has become your routine.
Good morning wishes
Hugs when you leave
A thought throughout the day
And three bedtime kisses.
That four-letter word so secure you never have to question it.
You move in together
Buy things together
Plan for your future
And grow together.
And then that four-letter L word is replaced by another
One painful
Lonely
And hollow:
Loss.
This four-letter word has such weight, that you gasp for air that won’t come.
Drown in the silence
Wallow in the what-ifs
Fear your future
Lose all the love you felt.
This four-letter word is all-consuming and continues to drag you down.
No matter the support you receive
No matter the love others give you
No matter the distractions you chase
You only feel the loss.
This four-letter word is so painful, you can’t think of anything but the bad.
Bad things happen in threes,
What do good things happen in?
Is it six?
The six years that we spent?
This four-letter word is so blinding, you can’t look past it,
But you try.
Do good things happen in two thousand, two hundred and tens?
Each day we spent together?
Does good get a number?
This four-letter word is so confusing that you no longer recognize the things you feel.
Love
Loss
And
Longing.
The L words begin to stretch, merge, collide, and divide all over again.
I sit here and think of every second we got together with love
The life we dreamed about with a sense of loss
And the comfort we shared with longing.
I sit here and think of the inside jokes we won’t share again with all three.
Those three L words have shaped so much of my life recently.
You were my first love
You are my hardest loss
I don’t know if my heart will ever stop longing.
I long for everything we had, dreamed of, and could have done.
Through this loss, one thing has remained clear:
I long for you to love again,
To love yourself enough to choose someone for you.
I long for our happiness,
Even if it means it is no longer “ours” but “yours” and “mine.”
Nicole Koski is a UW-Superior communicating arts graduate who works in the Twin Ports as an elementary reading tutor and a UW-Superior assistant coach. She has always enjoyed experimenting with various writing types, and it is a passion that she hopes to carry on. She draws inspiration from her life and the Twin Ports area, and has currently focused on poetry as a way to express herself. Her poem “Our Artist Mother” was published in The Nemadji Review, Volume 10.
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